this is stupid
i have trouble telling people that i love them
at least, really telling them
"i love you" was such a casual phrase in my family
i have a good family, i really do love them, but the phrase "i love you" is treated more like a casual salutation, rather than a meaningful affirmation of love
i feel like one way that this affected me was that i don't really know how to tell anyone else that i love them
even when i really, really love them
i've gotten better at it over time
i'm pretty good at telling my friends that i love them
(even if i can't quite communicate that i am absolutely overflowing with love for each of them
this is one type of love
but romantic love terrifies me
it cripples me
i don't know why
love comes so easily
but sharing it makes me feel so vulnerable
because i don't want to be wrong
i don't want to be hurt
i don't want to be weird
i don't want to be unrequited
i don't want to damage anything
i don't want to hurt anyone
so i suffer on my own and don't say anything at all.