i took a train into the town i had my reasons (even if i couldn't understand them) and it wasn't even worth it at all was already gone by the time i pulled into the station i felt so silly, peoplewatching patiently wasted half an evening on something i didn't need i felt so stupid, like i never was taught any better i feel like i might fall out filling up with doubt holding onto air pulling off a hair from my sweater barely even met her you know what i mean i took a walk to clear my head it didn't really make me feel any better hell, it just filled me up with dread don't pay no mind, this is stupid, this is reckless, and i i felt so anxious by the time i went inside i could taste the smoke and i almost wanted to cry i felt so obsessive like i never was taught any better (called your name...) i feel like i'm falling out never had a doubt spitting out my air not a single care isn't this lovely? aren't we so lucky? you know what i meanTOP
i'll get it done one of these days i'll get it through to you i really wanna make this right i really wish i was with you tonight there's a light that floats around my room bounces off my walls and i swear to god i can get it done i will get it done just give me time can you wait for me before you fall asleep (Alright, stay together!) (Wait a sec, I think I got a lighter!) (Quick, light it up.) i'll be fine, just give us timeTOP
(PART 1 THE BOY) i didn't know you had such callused fingers like scales in my soft hands i tried to breathe you in forever i want a body you could call your own and take it in your pocket or wear me like an overcoat there's something in between the thoughts we think and what they mean do the things you say mean anything? they're everything and nothing to me and i'm not sure what i really want just an excuse i got confused i didn't know you had such callused fingers and i'll rip them all off if i feel they'll make you seem a little more real (PART 2 CALLUSED FINGERS) and i can't get away from i guess you're a distraction? chemical reaction COME HERE BOY I LOVE YA brutal hands and callused fingers i wanna wear u like a crown (uwu) touch yr body up and down can you get me off the ground? touch me with your callused fingers brutal hands and callused fingers brutal hands and callused fingers broken bones paper skin bony chest bloodshot eyes bloody nose pretty bruise matted hair ripped apart nothing left all alone brutal hands and callused fingersTOP
had a lazy morning because i could barely sleep ramen noodles and eggs for breakfast, about 1:15 couldn't help replaying a memory of what you tried to say to me half a reaction and half a sentence spoken when i had to leave browsing thru an endless stream of curated content endlessly waiting very patiently for my day to begin hard to find an excuse to stay out late i fucking hate taking the train the bummer wave is closing in and i never want to leave do you think of me after i leave? and do you remember the things that i said to you? and do you think of me after i leave? and do you remember me after i leave? can i get a second? can you give us time? if youi want to get to know me can we just rewind? living lives with shaky morals never resting on our laurels can you blow my mind forevermore sometime before i have to leave? (this is all i write about. anxiety and love fear of making any moves but never scared enough voyeurs, every listener, by chance more than by choice what's the sense in writing songs if i can't stand my voice?) i don't want to leave. do you think of me after i leave? and do you remember the things that i said to you? and do you think of me after i leave? and do you remember me after i leave? and do you think of me? do you remember me after i leave? (i don't want to leave)TOP
you left me standing there out in the rain that's no surprise to me i would've done the same i said that it's alright and you weren't rude but even so, it was a shitty thing to do. you wrote a card for me you wrote my name you got the letters wrong but the meaning was the same there's still a lot of secrets that i keep from you but even so, that was kind of you to do.TOP
sweating on the sheets, toss-and-turning, and i'm moaning when i sleep. daylight breaking through the cracks, i don't know how to relax. wearing headphones, music keeps my mind off of the subject. you're not the King of Carrot Flowers. Jeff Mangum doesn't care about you. in the shower, pressed my hand against the wall. moaned your name into my arm. we love the same, just different people in different ways. i hear your voice in all the music, see your face in films like Butch held hands with the Sundance Kid, i think of all the stuff we should've did. hip hip hooray! lovers on parade! hip hip hooray! lovers on, they're marching in the summer heat up and down good-latimer street. i'm sitting in the corner. skylar snuggles up on riley. when you're looking through my eyes, it feels like they know i'm watching and i'm anxious. holding on to shallow hope, just a dream before the dream. when you wake me, just be careful when you shake me from my sleep. my desire: don't you know I am a liar? dealing with these brand new demons if you walk away, I'll doubt you ever happened what we want and what we need, all the faces we can see, i'm not a poet but words have never come so easily. hip hip hooray! lovers on parade! hip hip hooray! lovers coming round the bend and down the hill, smoking by the windowsill. a brutal fantasy of oak lawn, a.d. 1990 two lovers in each other's arms swore they'd be together at the end. lonely is as lonely does. we both want what we each think is good for us. i envy those who never fall in love. hip hip hooray! lovers on parade! hip hip hooray! lovers on parade! hip hip hooray! lovers on parade! hip hip hooray! lovers through the window, out the door. lovers on parade forevermore.TOP
was it a lie? was it a hoax? was it a trick or just some joke? or was it just my luck to find out you don't give a damn? why am I left out to dry? you left me hanging when I stood by. haranguing thoughts smash through my conscience you wouldn't know that it's unconscious. i could beat myself black and blue for thinking the things that I think of you because it's not meant to be it's a sign of mental entropy and social atrophy, it seems. you won't give me the time of day. you won't pay me any mind. anything I wanted to say was just a matter of wasted time...TOP
Jillian that's not your name, but i'll call you Jillian. you don't look the same as when i last saw you. you changed your hair, i think, oh Jillian. Jillian you brought me here today, my Jillian. i'm not the same as when you last saw me. you affected me affectionately. can't you see what you have done to me? permanently altered the course of human history. where did you go? where did you go? where did you go? or why did I leave? Jillian who wrote the book of love, oh Jillian? it could be god above, oh Jillian because there's fraying in the pages and there's plot holes everywhere and it's been like that for ages and this isn't about you, Jill. and i'm so unprepared. and i'm a little bit scared. 'cause there's a ghost inside my memory and there's an ocean in your head and there's a ghost inside your memory and an ocean in mine where did you go? where did you go? where did you go? why did I ever leave? leave... where did you go? where did you go? where did you go?TOP
ghost in the back of my mind can you hear me? i am fine. though i'm stressed about life and my future, i can't lie. there's a fork down the road, it has countless different tines. i'm not there yet, but i'm already regretting the choices i have yet to make. what have i done? am i dumb? am i selfish? am i blind? just to think i put all my faith in a basket with holes in the side. i'm not depressed, just a mess. would i do it all again? i'm not sure, so i'm writing you this letter. i hope you have it figured out by now. ghost in the back of my mind, i can feel you. please remind me to be more at peace and to take my precious time. life's a bitch, this i know. just remember: take it slow. take a breath, and if you find yourself anxious, hold the hands of someone else who's anxious too.TOP
keep it with your leftovers. you can't keep crying about her. it's your own fault things turned out this way. now hold your head up, it'll be OK. you met her in the summertime, and every day since then you've looked at her picture. now autumn's here, now nothing's clear, you're looking through heart eyes and thinking to yourself "oh lovely, oh lovely, oh lovely, oh lovely, oh lovely..." every night you listen to her songs and hope to god she's listening to yours. every time the answer's just the same as the other times. throw a dog a bone. try to see what sticks. try to find the pieces and where they fit. try to write a song. try to pray to god— try and see if it cares, if it's even there. *unhinged scat singing* oh lovely, oh lovely, oh lovely, oh lovely, oh lovely...TOP
hello. are you awake? are you conscious? can you tell that you're alive? you had quite a fall. i wouldn't be surprised if you weren't all there! what is your name? can you even remember? can you remember anything about yourself? it doesn't matter. none of that matters here. you're a ways away from home dear, and i'm afraid you won't be on your way back soon.TOP
lately, lately, lately i've been thinkin’ lately, lately, lately i've been thinkin’ lately, lately, lately i think i could, i should be a millionaire. lately, baby, lately I’ve been feelin’ something’s different than it’s been before, and darlin’ lately, baby, lately, lately i think we should be makin’ something different now. well honey, bunny, i been thinking lately i should stop my anticipatin’, waitin’ baby, 'cause darlin’, if i work a little more then i could be a little richer like a millionaire. lately, lately, lately things are changing, lately, lately things are starting to get strange well, lately, lately, lately i think i could be a million dollars richer, baby. darlin’, lady, well you know i love you so; it’s getting tough for me just to get by, you know. well if you take some pity if you try to help me i could leave it all behind and be a millionaire. lately, woman, lately i been thinkin’ i really ought to be wrapped ‘round your finger by now i'm so tired of not gettin’ my way and it’s my GOD DAMN RIGHT to have a million dollars in my pocket. lately, lately, lately i've been thinkin’ lately, lately, lately i've been thinkin’ lately, lately, lately i think i could, i should be a millionaire.TOP
i saw you at the show you spent the whole night staring at your phone... why you came here i don't know, but i'm glad you did. ya got perfume, ya got ice 😎 you look around with sheepish eyes 😰 you're a wallflower tonight, until you slink back to your car. PRETTY BOY !!! you're an anxious type i know— nervous pervis, feel so-so, but you're a natural! you hide behind yr glow focus on the light and keep your head low. it's not like a boy like you to not know how to pick and choose. well tonight i'll make sure you don't lose, i'll stand next to you, PRETTY BOY !!! pretty boy, tell me how you're feeling. pretty boy just sent me reeling. pretty boy, don't get anoxia. you're so sensitive! i kinda like that. you got a tattoo of a modified bear.... there might be some irony there? look, i'm not trying to come on to you, it's just that you looked kinda lonely, and i'm sorry, i'm awkward, and i made shit weird, sorry. PRETTY BOY !!! shit, who's the wallflower now? that shit was embarrassing i should probably just go home now, whatever. PRETTY BOY !!! what, you're still here? PRETTY BOY !!! pretty boy, i know how you're feeling. pretty boy, don't hit the ceiling. pretty boy's no casanova... pretty boy, let's spend the night together. pretty boy... how's the weather? pretty boy, don't get anoxia.TOP
>no more going to the dark side with your flying saucer eyes. >no more going down a wormhole that i have to pull you out. >>the wigglin’ squigglin’ worm inside devours from the inside out. >no more talk about the old days, it’s time for something great. want you to get up and make it work. so many allies, so many allies so many allies, so many allies so feel the love come off of them and take me in your arms. peel all of your layers off, i want to eat yr artichoke heart. >no more leaky holes in your brain and no false starts. want you to get up and make it work. so many allies, so many allies so many allies, so many allies so feel the love come off of them and take me in your arms. i'm gonna get up and make it work. hey, we’ll be okay.TOP
you were in my dream last night. i saw you dancing in the light. we were in an empty room but i don’t recall stepping inside. you were in my dream last night. you sang in portamento lines, but when you moved your mouth to speak i only heard the movement of your feet. i don’t remember if i took your hand or you took mine? we swayed for hours yet we slipped outside of the passage of time. no sudden movements, and no sounds it was the rhythm of our bodies and our heartbeats that was movin’ us around. you were in my dream last night. i couldn’t look you in the eyes, but every time i caught a glimpse i thought i saw a void inside. you were in my dream last night; i swear it’s been a thousand times, and every time i have this dream goddamn it feels like real life. you were in my dream last night- i thought you were an angel. you never were an angel. why couldn’t it be an angel?? i don’t remember if i took your hand or you took mine? we swayed for hours yet we slipped outside of the passage of time. no sudden movements, and no sounds it was the rhythm of our bodies and our heartbeats that was movin’ us around. standing in a ballroom hall, flowers were lining the walls. as the light began to fade, a phantom waltz began to play. the walls were melting into sound, and there was no one else around. as i leaned into your arms i fell right thru and hit the ground. you were in my dream last night. we stood together in the light. with nothing left to leave to chance, we started our eternal dance. i don’t remember if i took your hand or you took mine? we swayed for hours yet we slipped outside of the passage of time. no sudden movements, and no sounds it was the rhythm of our bodies and our heartbeats that was movin’ us around.TOP
mom come pick me up i'm scared
i don't know that i'll last 'til morning
i didn't know i'd find her there
i didn't know we'd be together
i touched the surface of her skin
strip off my clothes and take a shower
become acquainted with the glass
i'm holding in my hands
shaved my head and wore her pearls
pulled the stench off from my body
washed the blood off of my hands
won't you give me back my body?
javelina in the grass
a piece of carrion for the vultures
i rinse the vision from my eyes
but my brain is xerox.
TOP
there's a ghost inside your mind. keep it safe.
TOPevery day i lie awake thinking about your eyes thinking of what's inside your head keeps me awake at night i could go through all your drawers 'til i find what i need my mind is a garden and it's grown an anxious seed. sometimes i wish i could see you every single day; other times i want to be where you are far away. i'm tired of being patient and i'm sick of rushing it i'm trying to find the source but i'm still stuck without a hint when my world comes crashing down, will you still be around? or did you fall too? well what can ya do? sometimes i wish i could see you every single day; other times i want to be where you are far away. i'll stop acting so patient and i'll stop acting so nice i don't care what you do because i still won't sleep at night do i want something more? do i want us to be more? do i want to make this more? i don't know if i want to be closer...
i'll take your hand and then begin to rummage thru the skeletons inside the closet in your head you wish ya'd stayed inside instead so say the word and i will try to pull the sun down from the sky 'cause if i must, then i will die, and then our love will multiply and if my love does not create a perfect love, so free of hate my time will come to immolate to ash love will returnTOP
written by fugazi
out here barely see my breath surrounded by jealousy and death i can't be reached only had one call dragged underneath separate from you all you all this time i lost my own return in spite of everything i learned i hid my tracks spit out all my air slipped into cracks stripped of all my cares my cares i'm so tired sheep are counting me no more struggle no more energy no more patience and you can write that down it's all so crazy and i'm not sticking round...TOP
i guess that you can keep that stupid fucking ring i guess that it's alright that you wanted me to leave i guess that i'll get better, if that's what you believe a stab in the chest doesn't mean a fucking thing i guess that you can keep all the shit inside your room i guess that i don't need it, it makes me think of you i guess you're getting better, if that's what you believe i guess i couldn't tell you were getting up to leave i'm sorry you faced the consequence of my mistake two lovers sleep in a bed of lies that i helped make long burn the fire, so we can burn the bridges that we built for a love that's never meant to last for feelings that have passed and i'm sorry love is short and that she's showing you the door i hope you know it's not your fault they all say it was her's i hope you know your loveliness will never, ever die i hope you know i hate the fact i made her make you cry long burn the fire long burn the fire (forgetmenot) i guess that you can keep that stupid fucking ring i guess that it's alright that you wanted me to leave i guess that i'll get better, if that's what you believe a stab in the chest doesn't mean a fucking thing i guess that you can keep all the shit inside your room i guess that i don't need it, it makes me think of you i guess you're getting better, if that's what you believe i guess i couldn't tell you were getting up to leave i guess that your love never meant a fucking thing i guess that your love never meant a fucking thing i guess that your love never meant a fucking thing i guess that your love never meant a fucking thingTOP BACK ...